Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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