Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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