he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
