Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
