member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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