I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
