how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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