I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize