i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
my liver is dry heaving
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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