I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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