Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize