In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
