Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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