I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
