I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
