Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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