I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
