i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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