What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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