My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
