if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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