somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
