Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
