You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
