So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize