Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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