she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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