yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
