it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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