well I can't set my house on fire every night
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
