Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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