Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
