her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
