If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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