I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
