idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You're like the curious george of whores
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
