she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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