i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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