were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
