Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
