brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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