I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
