Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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