Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
