I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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