Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
