I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
