so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
