Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
