please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Quick, to the slutcave!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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