seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
