He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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