5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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