Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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