Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
