You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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