My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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