Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
