Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
