o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
