hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
