Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
