i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
