I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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