clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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