i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize