Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
