Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
