he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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