It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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