What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
