Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
